We first exchanged vows in Hawaii on November 24, 2007.  At the time, we had no idea that same-sex marriage would become legal in California only months later. And while the wedding was extremely significant to us emotionally, it wasn’t legally binding. Despite this, we did have a beautiful ceremony with friends and family, and we later planned a Hawaiian-themed “California Celebration” that was held in Walnut Creek.

We had taken a big step in committing ourselves to each other, but there remained certain situations in which it was awkward or inappropriate to refer to each other as spouses. People would ask us if our marriage was legal and we would have to say “no”.  We had no legal relationship to one another and no protections that typically go along with a marriage.  We planned to hire a lawyer and draft documents that would provide
us some legal protection as a couple, but all of the documents in the world have still fallen short of legal marital rights. It was an eye-opening reality.

In 2008, we were finally able to tie the legal knot!  We married on June 17th at San Francisco City Hall—the first full day of legal same-sex marriages in California.  It was a magical day for us, and this is the story we want to share with you here:
 
JUNE 17 began like any other, but by the early afternoon I was preparing for one of the most important days of my life.  It was our wedding day, and while we’d already been “married” last November, this was to be the real, signed-sealed-legal deal.  June 17th was significant, not only for us, but also for the thousands of same-sex
couples whose lives changed that day with the commencement of equal marriage rights in California.  It was an amazing feeling to participate in something historic and so much bigger than ourselves.

When we arrived at City Hall, we were met by a storm of birdseed.  Not the kind that is tossed gently into the air and lands like a sprinkle of sand on the skin.  The level of excitement in the crowd prompted a full-on sandblasting welcome.  I was nervous and somehow managed to inhale the seed into my nostrils and cheeks.  As I turned around and made eye contact with some of the people in the crowd, I experienced a magnitude of emotions and the tears began to well up in my eyes.  In the crowd, I saw the Big Picture and I knew that we were all there for the same celebration. 

Wen and I walked into the clerk’s office and before I knew it there was a woman holding a microphone, asking us questions that morphed into a complete blur.  And while I have always maintained that I am the definition of an extroverted introvert, or one who can “turn it on” for special occasions but generally values solitude and intimate gatherings, the truth is that we were really overjoyed to share our experience with everyone. June 17^th was an opportunity for our entire community to rejoice, reflect, share and exhale.

We turned in an application for a wedding license and the feeling was surreal.  We were actually going to get a license!  The volunteer who processed our application, Dominic, was so emotional that he had to step away from the counter to collect himself before swearing us in.  A photographer befriended us and we joked that she would be our personal tour guide.  She led us to the back of the room where we met our officiant.  Our witnesses signed the marriage certificate, while I fought the butterflies that were fluttering full-force inside of me. 

Jason Chan, who works for Mayor Newsom’s office, performed our ceremony in the rotunda.  It was my first time inside of City Hall and I was taken by the beauty of the building.  Our ceremony was unforgettable.  How do you adequately describe something so public that actually felt entirely personal?  It was a juxtaposition of traditional and new, a sense of security in completely uncharted territory.  It was beautiful, public, emotional and legal.

And then came the powerful words I’ve longed to hear:  “By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you spouses for life.”  We hugged and kissed, and I never wanted to let go. 

Outside of City Hall, the Gay Men’s Chorus was singing and we were greeted by cheers. We enjoyed our first dance at the top of the steps as the chorus sang a beautiful rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow/It’s a Wonderful World”.  It’s long been a favorite medley of ours and it took on a special significance after our Hawaiian wedding (we love the Hawaiian version by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole).  In fact, the dance I shared with my wife outside of City Hall was the most blissful dance of my life.

I was touched by how many people went out of their way to donate time, services and talents to the newlyweds that day.  From all of the volunteers at City Hall—and they were all volunteers—to the donated cupcakes, flowers, photos burned to CD on-site, music and even sparkling cider in champagne glasses with our wedding date, we are very grateful to the community, gay and straight, who lovingly turned out to support equal rights and to watch love move mountains. 

When people talk of getting married at City Hall, there isn’t often a connotation of romance, pomp and circumstance.  For us, however, it was a sweet final fairytale in our matrimonial chapter and I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.  We began our journey as two people who love each other and we’ve emerged as a family, complete with the legal regulations and protections of the state.  For anyone who believes that
civil unions are a good enough substitute for marriage or that “separate but equal” breeds anything other than inequality, I wish you could feel the liberation of shedding second-class citizenship.

As a child growing up in a conservative and religious household, I never felt comfortable in my own skin. On a couple of occasions I can remember sitting by the television watching the news and seeing images of men holding hands as they walked down the streets of San Francisco.  They were laughing and happy.  Just knowing about this place of diversity and acceptance gave me a lot of comfort over the years, and SF grew close to my heart.  Even today, you’ll find historic photographs and watercolors of the city decorating the walls of our home.  San Francisco has never lost any of the magic for me.  In fact, we ended our wedding celebration with a late-night stroll through the Castro and we found it difficult to pull ourselves away.

I went to SF City Hall on Valentine’s Day in 2004 to witness the first same-sex marriages after Mayor Newsom ordered the city to begin issuing licenses. His directive, of course, was eventually seen as an act of civil disobedience and the marriages were voided.  Despite this fact, I’ll never forget the feelings I had as I watched the married couples exit City Hall and descend the steps together.  I knew what it felt like to be one of the people out front, throwing the handfuls of birdseed, buying wedding cake and getting high off of other people’s bliss, and I wondered if I would be able to walk down those steps someday with the woman I love.

While our marriage is everything we ever hoped for, living with the possibility that the state could forcibly divorce us and allow discrimination to be written into the California constitution is extremely painful and distressing. We hope that the California Supreme Court will uphold our marriage, and will rule in favor of equal rights for ALL Californians.

~Tara